Friday, April 5, 2013

Child of the Heart

Hi guys! It's been a while since my last post, I know. I'm dealing with a general case of the blahs, mixed with a huge case of zero motivation to do ANYTHING. Add in the passing of my recent 29th birthday on the first of April, and it's a downward spiral.

I've been missing my mom a lot these last few weeks, especially in the days before my birthday. For those of you who don't know, I was born on April 1, 1984 and shortly thereafter I was adopted by my wonderful mother, Eileen.

Mom already had 3 children, the youngest being 8 years older than me. Eileen knew my biological mother closely, and so when BioMother said that she just couldn't take care of me, Eileen quietly said "I want her." Here was a woman who already had 3 children (who were a handful, let me tell you!), but she had so much love in her heart that she took someone else's child and gave her a home.

Not just a home. A family. From the time I was old enough to understand what adoption meant, I knew that Eileen wasn't my birth mother. She made damn sure that I knew that even though I wasn't a child of her womb, I was a child of her heart. I was also the youngest, and so I will confess to being a -tad- spoiled.

In any case, I was lucky. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, but it was a very loving one underneath the chaos. My mother was not perfect, by any means, but she was a GREAT mother. I never, as some adopted children do, felt that I wasn't part of the family. And I was always Mommy's baby. :D

I grew up, met the man who stole my heart, moved out, and had my babies. Looking back, I can see how lonely my mom must have been having all her kids grown and involved in their own lives. She was so wrapped up in being Mom that she just didn't know how to be anything else! Then she got sick.

It was a horrible three months. The cancer was very advanced, and they tried the chemo, but by the time we caught it, there wasn't much the chemo could do. She passed away just days before Christmas and all in a heartbeat, my world was blown apart. My babies, especially my boys, were destroyed, and it was all I could do to hold it together for them.

But every year, on my birthday, it hurts just a little worse than on the other days. My birthday was always a big deal for me and Mom. She always went out of her way to make it as special as she could, even though she didn't always have the money to throw a party or buy me presents.

The running joke was that because I'd been born at 11:56 p.m., four minutes before midnight, I only had four minutes to make a wish, blow out my candles, eat my cake, and open the presents. Every year, without fail, she'd burst into my room at 11:56 and jump on me to give me my "birthday smacks."

Being born on April Fool's Day, you can imagine the torture I endured. On my 16th birthday, she handed me a box that contained a set of car keys. I nearly had a heart attack! Every 16 year old dreams of getting a car on their birthday! I run outside, only to be brought up short by the sight of a big red bow, laying on the ground in front of our house.

"Happy Birthday!!! Do you like your new invisible car?" I was not amused. Now, it's funny as hell, and I may just do it to my oldest when he turns 16, but then? I was MAD!

Well, anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this post was, other than to share a little bit of the awesomeness of my mom with all of you. I'd also like to share a poem I wrote for her, so here it is. Maybe it will bring some comfort to anyone who's lost someone.

Speak my name in reverence

Take comfort in my love

I’m gone but not forgotten

Watching you from above


I walk this path with you

Although your eyes can’t see

Look to your heart and there you’ll find

The greatest part of me


I’m on the side of angels now

I wear my wings with grace

Have no fear, we’ll meet again

In this heavenly place


So smile through your tears

Because through you, I will live on

My body may be laid to rest

But my soul is never gone


In every dance of sunbeams

Every whisper of wind through the trees

You’ll feel my touch, hear my voice

 Carried on the breeze
Lots of love,

1 comment:

  1. Brandie, what an honor it was to read that! I know I can speak for Mom when I say I know with all my heart she is so very proud of you! I know I am.
    I love you to the moon and back!